I’m not totally sure how I feel about being an adult. I am not a good adult per se, in that I regularly choose to curl up in fluffy rabbit slippers and work on my emotional connection with Kimmy Schmidt rather than do stuff like pay bills and find a window cleaner.
I’m going to highlight a few adulty things that are so unimaginably lacking in joy that you will no longer question my addiction to slippers and Netflix. Let’s start with toilet roll. Toilet roll is kind of a big deal unless you are Tarzan or have particularly strong environmental opinions. Would I rather buy a copy of Vogue than a family pack of bog roll? Let’s just say that’s a decision that I don’t even want on my radar. Do I “forget” to buy the toilet roll so that I can save my £5 for something that will genuinely enhance my horizons and contribute to my emotional development? Hell to the yes. Tom can buy the toilet roll.
Moving swiftly on from the toilet talk, why didn’t anybody warn me about cleaning products? Do you know how many cleaning products I have? Where does all this limescale come from? Is there a cheaper way to achieve that bang and the dirt is gone scenario? Answers: Too many, Voldemort’s army and yes but they don’t work.
Here’s one that totally threw me: washing machine cleaner. I’m gonna let that sink in for a minute. In a nutshell, you know the thing in your house thats sole purpose in life is to clean stuff? As some sort of sick joke, someone decided that it’s actually incapable of cleaning itself in the process. This is what we, as adults, are dealing with.
Sink unbocker is another one that keeps me up at night. Nobody told me that my sinks would need unblocking. It is the most unglamorous thing in the world.
I never have any kitchen roll despite buying it every single week. I’m pretty sure there’s a little elf living in the under-stairs cupboard who is eating it all.
Rinse aid is another one I’m having trouble understanding. Meet the dishwasher – another top dog whose only job at the party is to leave your dishes sparkly clean. Oh but wait! A dishwasher tablet is only the beginning. Run out of Rinse Aid and it turns into a needy gold-digger that will angrily spit crap all over your mugs and glasses until you top it up. I don’t know about you but I’m living for the day my appliances fly the nest and do this shit on their own.
Lightbulbs. Lightbulbs lightbulbs everywhere.
Who knew hoovers, sorry, I mean vacuum cleaners were so expensive? Everyone wants a Dyson until Dyson totally screws them over. Am I right? The only thing my hoover is good for now is scaring the cat to Timbuktu.
Hit me up if you have any to add to this growing list of annoying sh**!